Island Boredom
by thehalfbloodprincess
Summary: The survivors of flight 815 are getting very bored of golf. They come up with an original way to deal with their boredom. Slight mention of Skate. Very insane.


**A/N:** Soooo, a long, long time ago, my Lost obsessed friend gave me this challenge and now I've finally written it. So this is my birthday present to you. Enjoy! (And sorry if it's completely horrible (especially the dialogue at the beginning… ). I tried, but Harry Potter is so much easier to write!)

The challenge was to write a Lost fanfic that:

Is: Skate- Romance and Humour/Parody

Includes the quote: "Why isn't this stretchy?"

Includes the words: marker, trophy, screwdriver, pom-pom, elite

Takes place sometime in season one

Has Jack appear randomly

**Island Boredom**

After several weeks on the island, the survivors of Oceanic Flight 815 were becoming bored, as golf was getting quite old. The subject of what to do to remedy their boredom was much discussed and debated and they finally came to the conclusion that they should hold some sort of competition.

It was Hurley who came up with the brilliant idea when he was sitting on the beach, twirling a palm branch idly. Sawyer passed him and casually said, "Hey Cheese-puff, what'cha doing? Twirling a pom-pom?"

Hurley, used to Sawyer's comments was only slightly offended, but then he was inspired, "Dude, that's perfect!" he said excitedly. Sawyer simply raised his eyebrows. Hurley elaborated, "We'll have a cheerleading competition!"

"I ain't doing no cheerleading." Sawyer replied.

"It'll be fun!" he insisted. When Sawyer still looked skeptical he continued, "Well, alright, you don't have to do it- you can be a judge. And I'll be one too- and anyone else who doesn't want to actually cheer. Come on Sawyer, don't you want to see Kate dancing around in a little cheerleading outfit?"

Sawyer's face brightened. "You're a freaking genius."

Hurley rounded up everyone in the camp and told them his idea. Surprisingly, almost everyone was very enthusiastic. Apparently before Kate became a convict on the run, she used to be a cheerleader. Boone had joined Shannon's cheerleading classes a while ago, and Sayid admitted to learning some fancy back flips used to avoid bombs in his military training with the Republican Guard.

Some people, however, were not so enthusiastic. Claire insisted, "But MY BABY!!!!!!! MY BABY could get hurt!" Rose commented that she was too sad to do anything without Bernard, and Locke was not particularly interested in anything that didn't involve Walkabouts or knives. They, along with Sawyer and Hurley were delegated to be judges, as well as Leslie Arzt, who, as a high school science teacher, was adamant about the fact that he knew more about cheerleading than anyone else and should therefore be a judge too.

The next task was figuring out who would be in everyone's groups. Hurley appointed three captains to pick their teams. Boone chose Shannon, Kate and Charlie; Jin chose Sun, Sayid and Danielle Rousseau (who happened to be passing by); and Michael chose "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALT!" and Vincent. Jack sulked in the background because no one had picked him, then he ran away.

Hurley explained that each group would be judged on their costumes, cheers and routines, and the group with the best overall marks would be presented with a trophy handmade by Claire, and pronounced the elite cheerleaders of the island. The competition was to take place that night, so the groups immediately began creating cheers and costumes, choreographing and rehearsing.

Boone elected himself as the leader of his group and immediately began ordering people around. He instantly produced a few sheets of paper with detailed sketches of some cheerleading outfits that looked like he had been working on them for a long time. "Does anyone here know how to sew?" he asked.

Jack poked his head out of his nearby tent and said, "Kate can sew! She sewed the drapes in her apartment." He then proceeded to inspect his very hairy armpit. Kate threw a walnut at him, and he withdrew into his flamingo laden tent.

Kate reluctantly took the drawings Boone offered her, and promised to have the costumes ready by noon. Meanwhile Charlie wrote the words of their cheer, and Shannon and Boone argued over choreography.

Jin, Sun, Sayid and Danielle were not having much luck with anything. Jin was unwilling to let anyone touch Sun- even though she was clearly the lightest, and the easiest to lift up, and things kept getting lost in translation. What with Sayid's accent, Jin's not being able to speak English, and that meddling Frenchwoman's Croatian accent, it was very difficult to understand anyone else.

Michael's group was not faring much better because Michael was uncoordinated, Walt was young, and Vincent- being a dog notwithstanding- kept running off into the forest with what appeared to be a black cloud of smoke…

The evening finally came, and the entire camp waited in anticipation on the beach where the competition was to take place. The judges, Claire, Sawyer, Locke, Hurley, Arzt, Rose were all seated behind a table with pieces of charcoal and salvaged paper on which they could take notes and write down marks. Sawyer however did not like using the charcoal and exclaimed angrily, "Doesn't anyone have a goddamn marker or something?"

Boone, in an attempt to suck-up to the judges, rushed forwards and called, "I have a pen!" and proceeded to shove a handful of pens in Sawyer's face.

"You're such a loser." Sawyer informed him, "I bet if you died, no one would notice. Or maybe we should just start referring to you and Shannon as one entity. Shoone."

"Shoone?" Hurley repeated, wrinkling his nose, "Can't we call them something cooler like Shaboone?!"

"No." This time it was Locke that spoke. "It is Shoone. We may not like it, but it is what it is."

On that serious note, the competition began.

First up were Michael, Walt and Vincent. They were all wearing war-paint on their faces and skirts made of palm branches. Their cheer was more of a chant and interpretive dance.

Next were Sun, Jin, Danielle, and Sayid who received bottom marks for their costumes, as they were all wearing normal clothes because Jin had refused to let Sun wear anything else. Their routine was complex and involved many backflips.

The last people to go were Shoone…/Shaboone!, Kate and Charlie, all of whom were dressed in Kate's homemade, hand sewn, cheerleading costumes that seemed to be made of the blue tarps they used to make tents. Their costumes were original, their routine was excellent, and their cheer was good, except for the fact that Charlie's voice stood out above the rest of group a little too much. Everyone was prepared to bet that they were the hands down winners, when Jack appeared randomly beside the judges' table sobbing.

"Manshang." Said Jin with disgust.

Jack handed an oblong piece of wood with a message whittled upon it to Hurley. As he read it, his eyes became very wide. Hurley stood up and addressed the camp as a whole, "It seems we have one last entrant."

He sat back down, and joined everyone else in watching in trepidation as Scott and Steve took the stage.

They were dressed in magnificent orange, sparkly bodysuits that no one seemed to be able to identify where they came from. Their cheer and routine was an ode to breaking the cycle of boredom of the island with something other than golf, because they were so incredibly bored of golf. In fact, just to reiterate the point, they performed an extremely complex move, later identified as "the screwdriver" by Arzt, which involved, Scott, or maybe it was Steve, whatever, one of them being thrown in the air, flipping three times, and snapping a golf-club in mid-air. The end of their performance was greeted by tumultuous applause.

After a few moments deliberation, Hurley stepped forwards to announce, "By unanimous vote, the elite cheerleaders of the island are- Scott and Steve!" Scott stepped forwards to receive their trophy, while Steve made a brief speech of thanks. Or perhaps Steve took the trophy and Scott said the speech.

Either way, Kate looked very disappointed, and sulked over to a nearby log, where she stared into the fire with a troubled look on her face. Sawyer, noticing this, went over to comfort her. Words seemed to fail both of them, and soon they were locked in a tight embrace and heading towards Sawyer's tent.

Once they were in Sawyer's tent, he made to take off her handmade cheerleading outfit but had some difficulty. "Why," he said in between kisses, as he tugged on the top portion of the outfit, "Isn't" kiss, "This" kiss, "Stretchy?" he growled. But before they could do anything more, a pink flamingo lawn ornament had been thrown roughly into the tent, and they heard the unmistakable sounds of Jack storming off into his tent to tend to his shrub.

La Fin.

**A/N:** So what did you think? Too many inside jokes? Too much Boone bashing? Not enough Skate? Let me know!


End file.
